char_one

Fatty McFatenstein

2007-04-11T20:18:28Z

Yes, I'm posting about yet another failed attempt to have self-control. In fact, I have such poor self-control that I should change my ED from EDNOS to Compulsive Overeater. Pure shame won't allow me to describe to you ladies (or gentlemen) the mass amount of food I have consumed. In retrospect, I have no idea how I managed to consume it all without literally bursting into pieces. I am certainly not a small person, but If I put it all in one big pile it would definitely tower over me. Ugh... I am such a whale. I'm going to go sit in the sauna. Even though I know it is only water weight, I need some sign that I am not destined to remain a huge tanker forever.

char_one @ 2007-04-05T12:22:00

2007-04-05T19:43:24Z

I wish my hips would protrude from my body but, they are carefully hidden away by a huge layer of fat. *sigh* This morning I woke up feeling miserable. I did well yesterday and I'm doing even better today (only 60 cal). This morning after I weighed myself, I decided to try and really look at myself in the mirror. Hoping I could see something anything I liked about myself. I searched and searched and finally I came to the realization that I like nothing about my body. I felt like calling in sick and hiding under the covers all day. At least there I could hide my fatness under the blankets. I decided to get up and go to work instead. I'll be getting off early due to the upcoming holiday, so I plan to spend some much needed extra time in the gym. Hopefully that will make me feel better. I'm having trouble sleeping, sue to the fact that every time I move I feel my fat and it just disgusts me. I wish I could just have it sucked out of me and just be done with it already. Then I could be thin and happy.

Today's Motivation:

char_one @ 2007-04-04T14:09:00

2007-04-04T21:33:21Z

Despite my poor performance over the past couple of days, I was down .2 lbs this morning. It's definitely hardly anything to write home about but I'll take a -.2 over a +.2 any day. I'm feeling better today, I feel like the urge to binge has passed. So, thank God for that. I have a 3 day weekend so, I'm looking forward to having some extra time to work off some of this fat on my ass, thighs, and stomach. Hope everyone is doing well.

char_one @ 2007-04-03T14:32:00

2007-04-03T21:45:03Z

Last night was not so good. I ate just short of 1200 calories. A real testament to my pathetic willpower. Then if things couldn't get any worse I'm up to 630 already today and it isn't even 3:00 yet! I am such a fat failure.

char_one @ 2007-04-02T13:31:00

2007-04-02T20:41:59Z

Finally, I made it through a weekend without a single b/p episode! It was extremely hard for me and my boyfriend was no help at all. He gorged himself on chicken wings, chips and dip, cheesecake, BBQ chicken, and a baked potato with loads of sour cream and cheese. It was hard enough to say no when he offered me some of his tasty treats, but the smell lingered throughout the house making my stomach growl at concert worthy decibels. I was strong though, I kept my intake at 300 cal. per day. What a payoff! I'm down 2.2 pounds from Friday. Sadly, I'm still nowhere near my gw. But, at least it's a step in the right direction.

Today's Motivation:

char_one @ 2007-03-30T11:39:00

2007-03-30T19:01:47Z

My plan to only eat soup for dinner last night backfired. I started off good, I had one can of chicken noodle soup (180 cal.). I was happy, I was under 200 cal. for the day and the scale said I was 2 lbs. lighter. I went to the gym and had a good 30 min. workout. Followed by 30 min. in the sauna. I know the sauna only makes you lose water weight, but when the scale says I'm lighter I feel more encouraged. So all in all a really good day. Then I sat down to watch some tv and I could feel the binge coming on. I decided to walk around my block. I had hoped it would clear my mind and since I wasn't around any food I couldn't binge either. This didn't work, as soon as I was back in the house I made some mac & cheese. Then I proceeded to eat the entire box (1140 cal.) ! I purged some of it right after, but couldn't get it all out. I went to bed feeling miserable. I didn't even bother to weigh myself this morning. I was too afraid of what the scale would say. Seriously, who eats an entire box of mac & cheese? Fat hogs like me obviously. Today, I'm back on track. So far I've had 1 Liter of water (0 cal.). I hope to make it through dinner without a repeat of yesterday. Hope everyone is having a good day.

Today's Motivation:

char_one @ 2007-03-29T15:39:00

2007-03-29T23:21:10Z

So far today 0 cal. I do plan on having dinner, probably just some veggies or soup. Then I'm off to the gym. There's this pilates class I want to try. Next week my gym is having an extreme workout class so, I'm looking forward to that.

Today's Motivation:

Blah Wednesday

2007-03-28T21:26:35Z

After yesterday's binge spree I'm feeling very blah today. I was able to get on track today. My intake consisted of 1 cup of soup (60 cal.) and some saltine crackers (also 60 cal.). Bringing today's total to an acceptable 120. I've got about 2 hours left in the work day and I'm looking forward to going home.

Today's Motivation:

One Angry Woman

2007-03-27T19:32:27Z

Today is not going well at all. I started the day off with 4 wholegrain eggo waffles + loads of low-fat syrup then, when I got to work, an entire jar of candy (from this woman at work who keeps leaving them on my desk). Now I can't stop thinking about all the crap I just shoved into my body. I can't purge at work, so now I'm stuck with all this disgusting fat inside me. Needless to say, I'm in a terrible mood. My mom called this morning about some pictures she emailed me and I just couldn't stop being a shit to her. WTF is wrong with me?! Usually when I get into a funk like this I go to the tanning salon and the Vitamin D I get from the booth would bring me back to a normal level again. But, this hasn't been working so well lately. I think I might need some mood enhancers, but I don't want to take anti-depressants, is there something more natural I can do/take to help improve my mood?

Today's Motivation:

Sweet Monday

2007-03-26T17:28:34Z

I know I'm supposed to enjoy the weekends, but truthfully I dread them. I like being at work where there is no food to tempt me. At home I swear I can actually hear the food begging me to eat it. I tried going to the gym to drown out the calls, but it didn't work. So, I thought I would spend an hour in the sauna and pray that I could stop thinking about food. I downed glass after glass of water and still the urge to eat wouldn't go away. Finally, I forced myself to sleep. Only to find when I woke up that my boyfriend had made spaghetti for dinner. FREAKIN' SPAGHETTI! Could he have picked a more fattening meal?! I told myself to be good and only eat a few bites. I had my water there, but I ate the entire plate instead. I feel like such a failure. Today I woke up extra early so that I could work out longer than my usual 20 min. before work. Now I'm here in the comforts of my office where I can finally have some peace.

Today's Motivation:

Stupid Supermarket

2007-03-23T18:25:51Z

I know this is going to sounds completely primadonna but... I went to the supermarket before work this morning to stock up on my fav no cal. flavored water and they didn't have one flavor in stock that I liked. Can you believe that? Not a single one! I eventually settled for 2 Liters of the least disgusting flavor they did have in stock. As I took them up to the cashier to pay I caught myself giving her a disgusted look when she asked me if I found everything ok. I wanted to tell her that about my water dilemma, but I just smiled and said yes. I know it wasn't her fault the water wasn't in stock and yes I do understand that this is a petty thing to complain about. I guess I'm going to have to expand my beverage horizons to something other than my beloved flavored water.

Today's Motivation:

Insanely Fat Girl Will Eat You and Everyone You Know

2007-03-22T20:22:20Z

Well, I finished day 3 of my fast and my results were no where near what I wanted them to be (only 5.2 lbs.). I've decided that I'm going to continue to fast until I see something more positive on the scale (around 8 lbs.). I'm drinking about 2.5 Liters of water (not a fan of tea) and eating around 300 calories a day. I don't want my metabolism to tank so I'm going to take some metabolism boosters to help even the playing field. I'm also going to switch up my exercise routine to 20 min. in the morning and 20 min. in the evening. Hopefully that will give my body the extra inspiration it needs to drop off some of this nasty fat it's been carrying around. The added benefit of working out in the morning should help me to stay energized through the entire work day. Yesterday, was so sleepy I took a nap in my car on my lunch break. I must have looked like a homeless chick. I hope everyone is well and making strides to their gw.

Today's Motivation:

Fast Day 3

2007-03-21T19:36:15Z

Things are progressing s-l-o-w-l-y. I am down one more pound than yesterday that makes 4 total. Not too bad, but it could be better. So far I had 1 Cup of Soup (60 Cal.) and some water. I'm don't feel hungry, so that's a good thing. My plan is to have 2 more Cups of soup, bringing today's total to 180 cal. I wanted to go to the gym after work tonight, but I am so tired. maybe I'll go home and take a nap and then head off to the gym.

Today's Motivation:

Today's Motivation...

2007-03-20T19:33:18Z

Fast Day 2

2007-03-20T18:38:57Z

Well, Day 1 went ok. I had 1 Apple and a ton of water. Too bad the scale didn't see things my way. I'm up 3 damn pounds. Why did I have to be such an idiot and binge last weekend? I'm going to lax today. So far I've has 2 cups of coffee and some water. After work I'm going to work out extra hard to burn off some of this nasty ass fat. I hope you guys are doing much better than me.